How To Have Fun At Walmart
by xBrokenRecordx
Summary: Konoha and the Akatsuki sign an alliance and Sakura is sent to be their new medic. Spending time with the Akatsuki leads Sakura to do...some bizarre things. Like finding a list online about 333 ways to get kicked out of Walmart. Why not try it out?
1. 1 through 26

**A/N: It's been a while hasn't it my friends? Based off of the 333 Ways to Get Kicked Out Of Walmart list. Because it's an awesome list. And Sakura needs to do something fun every once in a while.**

**And for the Akatsuki members that _should _be dead, let's just say Pein found a way to bring them back to life and voila. I hope this is humorous for you. And this is crack, in case you haven't caught onto that.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the _333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Walmart _list. This is purely fanmade and I do not intend to make a profit off of this. Kthxbai.**

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><p><strong>1. Take some one's shopping cart and switch the items with stuff from the person next to them's cart<strong>

Sakura stealthily snuck in between Naruto and Sasuke's shopping carts. When the two were arguing, she switched the items in their carts. Sasuke went home later that day to find he had purchased ten year's worth of instant ramen.

**2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!…" etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment**

"Oh my GOSH!" Sakura exclaimed, holding her hands to her face and running up to Kiba and embracing him. "Hi! I haven't seen you in _so _long!" Kiba deadpanned.

"We saw each other yesterday for the Rookie Nine's weekly luncheon." He told her.

**3. Smash the person in front of you on the head with a ham**

Shikamaru's vision was fuzzy. He could see the outline of an irate young woman with blurry pink hair. So Sakura was the one to hit him in the head with a frozen ham?

"Troublesome, why did you do that?" He drawled, rubbing his throbbing head.

"Because you're a lazy bum!" She screamed, hitting him again.

**4. Go up to some old geezer and say "Grandpa! You're ALIVE! It's a MIRACLE!"**

"GRANDPA!" She exclaimed, running up to him and hugging him around the middle. "You're alive! It's a miracle!"

"I'm not _that _old." Kakashi told his ex-student. She let him go and stepped away.

"Then why is your hair grey. Huh? HUH?" She screeched.

"For the last time, Sakura! It's natural!"

**5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other … person was trying to take your _**

Sakura walked over to Deidara's cart, picked up a package of self drying clay, and started to strut away.

"Hey! That's mine, un!" He yelled after her. Sakura turned back towards him, alarmed.

"SECURITY! THIS WOMAN WAS TRYING TO TAKE MY CLAY!" She screamed, loud enough for the whole of the Shinobi nations to hear.

"I AM NOT A WOMAN, UN!"

**6. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.**

Temari pushed a cart past the clothing department and promptly stopped in the middle of a stride to stair at the yellow sign set up on the carpet. _"Caution: Wet Floor" _it read.

Temari started to question the intelligence of the managers.

Sakura giggled from behind a clothes rack as the Suna Kunoichi walked away.

**7. Hide in the center of the clothes circle where people find shirts, and jump out and yell "AHAHAHAHAHA!"**

Ino started to sort through the shirts. And scoot them aside as she tried to find one that would suit her best when the pink blur burst forth.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" It screeched. Ino screamed and stumbled backwards. The pink blur turned out to be Sakura. Said person doubled over in laughter before collapsing onto her knees.

"Sakura! What the hell!"

**8. Go into the dressing room, wait a few minutes, then yell "THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!"**

Sakura stalked to the dressing room and stomped into one of the stalls. She slammed the door and locked it. The whole store went silent.

Three minutes and fourteen seconds later, Sakura's voice echoed through the whole store.

"THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE! WHY, DO TELL, IS THERE NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE?"

**9. Get a Batman costume, put it on, and run around the store screaming at the top of your lungs, "COME ROBIN! TO THE BAT MOBILE!"**

Sakura stood at the top of the shelf full of crackers. Her black eye-mask was perfectly aligned on her face and her costume fit fantastically. Her hands were on her hips and a fan was at her feet, blowing her hair behind her. Her chin was aimed at the ceiling. She stood in that very same position until someone walked into the aisle.

She jumped down immediately and grabbed the person's elbow. "I AM BATWOMEN!" Sakura exclaimed. "COME ROBIN, TO THE BAT MOBILE!"

"Let go of me, Ugly." Sakura's captive said almost emotionlessly as she dragged him through the store. Sakura promptly let go of 'Robin' and started to punch his face into the floor. Sai was left in the middle of the frozen foods aisle as a pile of bloody limbs.

**10. Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell "PICK ME"**

Hinata was looking for a new dress to wear on her date with Naruto, since the oblivious boy had _finally_asked her out. When she finally found a gorgeous but modest lavender dress she pulled it out to look. That's when Sakura jumped out and screamed in her face "PICK ME!"

Hinata fainted right there on the spot.

**11. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"**

Sakura was walking up and down the paint aisle, trying to decide what color to paint her new room in the Akatsuki's base. She was trying to decide which shade of pink would be good as the accent when one of the attendants from the store walked up to her.

"Is there anything I can help you with?" He asked, flashing a small smile at her. Sakura looked up from the paint color slips and stared at the man before breaking down into sobs.

"Why won't you people leave me alone?" She cried, throwing her arms in the air and scattering her paint samples everywhere. She ran away and Zetsu appeared from the ground underneath of where she had been.

"What **did you do **to make our **Blossom cry?**" The attendant widened his eyes and immediately took two steps backward before fleeing the scene.

**12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men**

Sakura adjusted the arm of one of the action figures and placed him on the to shelf. Empty boxes were everywhere. Sakura had prepared the G. and X-Men for full out war.

Kisame walked past the toys on his way to the fish tanks to have some heart to heart with the goldfish when he spotted the Blossom of the Akatsuki in a blocked off aisle, playing with a Wolverine action figure. Then he saw the boxes scattered all over the floor. Sakura looked up from her work and waved at him. He nodded back and speed walked the hell away. He didn't want to get involved.

**13. Hide in a clothes circle. When someone with a shopping cart goes by stick your hand out and steal something from them**

Konan was in the women's clothing looking for some new clothing since all of the shirts and pants she already had were getting worn. She picked up several shirts in her size and slung them over her arm and kept walking. As she walked to the next clothing circle, there was a yank from her arm. Konan turned around and saw a hand protruding from in between the clothing. It grabbed one of the hangers from the clothes that Konan had slung over her arm and yanked hard. Konan shrieked and fell flat on her face.

Sakura looked down at her Nee-san with a sheepish look on her face. She scratched the back of her head like Naruto often did when nervous. Konan growled menacingly and Sakura found it in her best interest to run for her damn life.

**14. Grab a guitar and start singing Wake Me Up When September Ends in a loud shrieking half screaming voice**

_"HERE COMES THE RAIN AGAIN. FALLING FROM THE STARS." _Sakura shrieked as she strummed the guitar. _"DRENCHING MY PAIN AGAIN. BECOMING WHO WE ARE._"

Sasuke clapped his hands over his ears and bent over in absolute pain. "AHH! MAKE IT STOP!" He screeched.

**15. Randomly place 24 bags of candy in peoples carts**

Chouji was in chips aisle. He was trying to decide which flavor he was more in the mood for, Barbecue or Sour Cream and Onion. He turned around towards his cart when he heard a noise coming from within the basket. His eyes widened in pure joy. Next to his package of chocolate chip cookies were twenty four bags of gummy bears. He looked around and saw a girl with pink hair dart out of the aisle.

"THANK YOU MYSTERIOUS CANDY FAIRY!" He yelled after her.

**16. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.**

Sakura crouched down and ninja rolled until she was behind an empty check out stand. She stood up and fist pumped. "Yeah!" Then she looked around, trying to figure out how to work the thing. She saw a little switch and flipped it on. The light for check out aisle seven lit up.

A minute later, a very handsome brown haired man came to check out. Sakura smiled happily at him and took his items and looked them over before trying to scan them on the scanner.

"How are you today?" Sakura asked, finally getting the package of light bulbs scanned and into a bag. The man smiled flirtatiously.

"Very well, thank you." He replied, leaning over to look her in the eyes.

"Did you find everything you were looking for?" Sakura asked, smiling back. She scanned the candy bar and put it in the bag with the light bulbs.

"I have no-"

"Sakura." Said girl froze and winced. She turned around painstakingly slow and looked up at the orange haired man with piercings.

"Pein-niisan." She said, looking down at her feet.

"What have I told you about talking to strangers?" Pein said, scowling at his "little sister".

"To not to." Sakura frowned.

"Good. Now let's go find the others." He said, taking Sakura's hand and leading her away.

**17. Go up to an employee and in a official tone say "code three in house ware" and see what happens**

After finally slipping through the clutches of her Nii-san, Sakura casually walked up to one of the employees of the Walmart and stood at attention. "Code three in house ware, sir." The man's eyes widened and he took off running.

"They promised it would never happen again!" He cried as he ran. Sakura stood blinking.

**18. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department**

Neji was just minding his own business, walking through the aisles, trying to find what he was looking for. Finally giving up looking himself, he decided to use his Byakugan. The veins around his eyes bulged and he looked around the area. Then something caught his attention. He deactivated his Kekkei Genkai and turned around to where Sakura was attempting to hide behind a stand.

"Sakura, why are you following me?" Sakura quickly denied this and Neji continued onwards, Sakura following him until he left the food area.

**19. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap**

"I CHALLENGE THEE TO A FIGHT TO THE DEATH!" Sakura exclaimed loudly, pointing a tube of gift wrap in her opponent's direction. Gaara blinked.

"No." He turned around and walked away.

**20. Set up a concert of singing hamster dolls. Get your friends and turn them on all at the same time. Then act like a conductor**

"So you want me to create an army of shadow clones so I can turn on all of these singing hamsters on at the same time?" Naruto cocked his head to the side.

"Precisely." Sakura nodded enthusiastically.

"I think the Akatsuki is starting to make you go insane. But alright. KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU." One hundred Narutos popped up all around them and Naruto pointed in the direction of the hamster dolls lined up perfectly. "Alright guys, everyone grab a hamster doll and wait until I give the signal to turn it on!"

"You got it, boss." "Count on us!" "Affirmative." "Okay!"

After much pushing and shoving, the Naruto army got behind the hamster dolls. "1, 2, 3!" The hamster dolls all turned on at the same time and Naruto dispelled his clones.

"Thanks Naruto!" Sakura said, getting in front of the hamster dolls and waving her hands back and forth as if she was conducting an orchestra.

"Sure." He said, smiling and walking away. Several minutes later, Hidan walked by and immediately stopped.

"What the hell, Sakura?" He exclaimed. Sakura turned around and stuck her tongue out.

"Go screw yourself, Old Man." She told him.

**21. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock**

"Excuse me, sir, do you have any Pomato Chips in stock?" The pretty pink haired girl asked him. He blinked and looked around. He was fairly new here and still didn't know a lot about how the system worked. He smiled at the pretty rosette and turned to the computer to look for the item she asked for.

"It appears we don't have any right now, ma'am." He told her. The girl frowned.

"Alright. Thank you for your help. Perhaps if I went to Target, _they'd _have some in stock..."

**22. Open a pack of yugioh cards and challenge random people to a "d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!"**

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!" Sakura screamed, running up to him. She stopped in front of him and smiled evilly. Oh, the Akatsuki was teaching her so well...

"Yes, Sakura?" Kakashi said, not looking up from his little orange perverted book.

"I challenge you..." Sakura trailed off mysteriously before pulling out cards and shoving them under his masked nose. "TO A DA DA DA DA DUELLLLLLLLL!"

"Yu-Gi-Oh?" Kakashi questioned, glancing at the cards. "You are a traitor, Sakura. I thought you were a Pokemon fan!"

Sakura looked down at the cards. "Well, the list said Yu-Gi-Oh. I reluctantly decided to do precisely as the list said."

"List?"

"Never mind that. Well, if you won't duel me, I'll ask Sharky-kun. He'll play with me." And so, Sakura ran off to go find Kisame while Kakashi left to ponder what exactly she meant by "list". Deciding it wasn't important enough, he turned back to his copy of Icha Icha Paradise and started to giggle uncontrollably.

**23. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation**

"So how are we going to avoid Nii-san?"

"_I dunno. Dress up as Tobi and skip around claiming to want some gummy bears."_

"You've got to be joking. That's the lamest idea ever. And besides, I might scar Nii-san if he finds out I even thought about acting like Tobi."

"_Fine! If I'm so useless, then why don't we find some new best friends, huh?"_

"Fine! It is OVER."

Tenten watched as Sakura stomped away after yelling at air. She looked around, shivered, and went back to sharpening her kunai.

**24. Tape a walkie-talkie to the back of a Barbie doll and say to random people, "I know where you live…"**

Shikamaru was just walking along when a mysterious voice stopped him. _"I know your deepest, darkest secret..."_It said. Shikamaru knit his eyebrows together before walking over to the Barbie doll box and untaping the walkie-talkie from its back.

_"I know where you live..._" The voice said. Shikamaru sighed and pressed the button on the walkie-talkie.

"Mendokuse. Sakura, I know it's you." It was silent for several moments

_"Who is this Sakura of which you speak?"_

Shikamaru looked up at the top of the shelf and spotted the pink haired girl.

"Troublesome. Here's your walkie-talkie." Shikamaru said, tossing the device to Sakura. He then stuffed his hands into his pockets, slouched, and walked off.

**25. Attempt to drown in a kiddy pool…**

"Blurgghhh! Help! Lurghhhh!" Deidara was immediately on his way to the sound of the Akatsuki's Blossom's voice. "Hel-urlghhh."

"I'm coming, un!" He exclaimed only to stop in front of...a kitty pool.

"Help! Blurghhh..." Sakura splashed and her head dipped underneath the water again. Deidara deadpanned.

**26. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it**

"You see, ma'am, I don't get out much. I'm confined to a big, lavish building with a bunch of idiots, and my Nii-san and Nee-san -could you put an umbrella in that? Thanks.- and I just want to relax and have a good time. Thank you very much! Oh no, keep the change!" Sakura took her drink and waved at the smiling woman who had prepared her drink.

Sakura sauntered off back to her chair next to the magazines. She lay down and grabbed the Konoha Daily and started to read.

"Sakura?" Sakura put her paper down to see who had addressed her. She pushed her sunglasses up on her face and looked at him.

"Yes, Saso-kun?" She replied, pushing her sunglasses back down and continuing to read the paper.

"What exactly are you doing?" Sasori asked.

"Reading the paper and enjoying a cold glass of Coca-Cola. I don't get out much, you know."


	2. 27 through 49

**A/N: Woooo! Chapter 2! I'm surprised you guys found this so hilarious! For 27-49, I couldn't think of as many funny things until further down the line. So funnier things are at the bottom... (I particularly like number 48 XD)**

**Everyone who reviewed, thank you so much. Here is chapter two!**

**Disclaimer: Naruto is too awesome for me to own. Plus, I'd totally screw up the story line.**

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><p><strong>27. Open up random packages in the toy aisle then walk off. If an employee asks what you're doing, just say "I changed my mind."<strong>

Sakura entered the LEGO aisle and started looking at the boxes. She picked up a box, opened it up, and just as she was starting to take out the packaged pieces, another, much cooler looking set caught her attention. She dropped the box she had just opened onto the floor. She crossed the aisle to the thing that had caught her attention.

She opened the box up and dropped it on the floor. She did the same thing several more times before somebody stopped to ask what she was doing. She closed her eyes briefly and shrugged.

"I changed my mind." She said, turning around a walking away, only to open another box and drop it on the floor.

"You sure change your mind an awful lot, Miss..." The woman said, deadpanning.

**28. Run around Wal-Mart in a bathing suit singing Surfin' USA**

Sakura slammed open the dressing room door and looked in the full length mirror in the front. She turned in circles, inspecting herself. Finally looking impressed and satisfied, Sakura found a pair of flip flops and ran off to the pool area. She grabbed a surf board and started to run around the store. She got a hold of a cart and made a shadow clone. She set the surf board on top of the cart and climbed on top of it.

_"If everybody had an ocean, across the USA." _Sakura sang as her shadow clone pushed her around the store. _"Then everybody'd be surfin. Like Californi-a. You'd seem 'em wearing their baggies. Huarache sandals too. A bushy bushy blonde hairdo. Surfin' U. S. A. _HOLY SHIT. PUSH NUMBER TWO! PUSH FOR YOUR LIFE!" Sakura screamed as they passed by Pein. The Sakura Clone immediately went alert and pushed as fast as her shadow clone arms could push.

**29. Say things like, "Would you be as kind so to direct me to your Twinkies?"**

"Excuse me, I'm a bit lost. Would you be so kind as to direct me to the Twinkies?" Sasuke blinked at his pink haired ex-teammate.

"You hate Twinkies." Sakura narrowed her eyes.

"Not the point. Now, would you be so kind as to direct me to the Twinkies?"

"No." Sasuke turned back to what he had been doing previously. Sakura's eyes flared in anger. She spun the second-to-last Uchiha around and gripped his collar firmly.

"Unless you want to be a puddle of Sasuke goop on the floor, you _will _direct me to the Twinkies! You got that, bub?" She screeched in his face. Sasuke's body went limp. He decided he wasn't ready to die yet. Though he did accomplish one of his dreams of killing his older brother (who was unfortunately brought back to life and taking an obvious interest in the rosette threatening him currently), he hadn't yet revived his clan. So death was out of the answer.

"Yes ma'am." He said weakly. Sakura dropped him on the ground and smiled a large, goofy, innocent-ish smile. Both knew that she was anything _but _innocent.

"Good! Come on then, Sasu-cakes. Let's go!"  
><strong>30. If an employee comes within 30 ft scream "GET AWAY FROM ME!" Then run out of the store screaming<strong>

Sakura was sitting on top of a shelf eating a carton of delicious strawberry ice cream when the "employee" walked by. Sakura's eyes widened and her spoon fell to the floor, strawberry ice cream splattering onto the floor.

"G-get away from me!" She said to the employee, standing up on top of the shelf and backing away a bit. "GET AWAY FROM ME!" She screeched again. She ran a little ways down the aisle via shelf before jumping onto the ground and screaming as she ran out of the store.

The "employee's" lips quirked upwards.

_Interesting..._Orochimaru thought. _The girl knew who I was immediately...I like her..._

**31. Walk up to an employee and ask questions like how come this store is called wal mart? Or what's up with your hair? Why do you people wear name tags can't you all remember your own names?**

"I don't get it. I thought you people were supposed to be intelligent." Sakura said, leaning over the counter of customer service. The woman looked startled.

"What do you mean?" She exclaimed.

"You guys wear name tags, right?" The woman knit her eyebrows together and nodded. "Ridiculous! You all wear name tags? Can't you all remember your own names? Why were you people hired if you couldn't fill out question one on a job application sheet- name? You all fail at life."

**32. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles**

_Twsh rnnnnnnnnggggggggg_..."Ohw! Ohw! Ohw! Ohw!" Sakura's face twisted into confusion and she reeled faster. "OHHHHHWWWWWW!" Sakura paused and her eyes widened. She dropped the pole and ran as fast as she could.

"Shit, Naruto! I'm so sorry!" She exclaimed as she inspected the hook in her ex-teammate's lip.

**33. Glare menacingly at anyone who comes within 40 ft of you. Then hiss like a snake and act like you're going to bite them**

"_Hissssss." _Itachi stopped in the middle of his stride and sighed. The Akatsuki's Blossom was glaring at him like he was someone she severely hated. Then she freakin _hissed _at him.

"Sakura," he said. "What are you doing?" The pinkette hissed again, advanced and barred her teeth to bite him before running off. Itachi was very confused.

**34. Throw a fake rubber snake into some lady's face and watch her freak out**

_Thwack! _Anko was suddenly knocked over by the force of the rubber snake thrown in her face. She landed on her bum and her eyes closed in anger. She gripped the rubber snake and squeezed into it popped from the pressure.

"Whoever did that," Anko said slowly. "Is going to pay very dearly."

As soon as the lunatic kunoichi started to open her eyes, Sakura bolted. She was more scared of Anko on a good day than she was when her Nii-san was angered.

Therefore, fleeing was the wise option.

**35. Squeeze their legs and either sing, "I like to move it, move it! Or say "You got chicken legs!"**

When Sakura thinks back on it, maybe Tsunade-shishou wasn't the best specimen for number thirty five...

The memory was to horrifying to look back on.

**36. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."**

"Bum bum bum bum BUM BUM..." Sakura hummed, ninja rolling through the tires and peeked around the corner. She snapped back as soon as she saw the Aburame boy from Team Eight. She narrowed her eyes in concentration and hummed louder. She ninja rolled back down the aisle and out of sight.

**37. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room**

Sakura looked back and forth, took the sign off the women's bathroom door, and switched it with the men's, and then hid around the corner to watch the results of her work.

Just in time, Jiraiya came whistling his way down the aisle and made his way into the "men's" bathroom. Sakura heard his whistling stop short.

"JIRAIYA YOU PERVERT!" The sound of her shishou screamed.

"I SWEAR! IT SAYS MEN'S BATHROOM OUT THERE! SPARE ME!" Jiraiya shrieked. Sakura quickly snapped her head around and went back up to the bathrooms to switch the signs again. She darted back over to her hiding place just as Tsunade came out of the women's bathroom. She looked at the door sign and the fire in her eyes grew enormously. Sakura could feel the killing intent seeping off of her.

"Jiraiya you LYING PIG!" Tsunade screamed, beginning to beat Jiraiya within and inch of his life.

**38. Bring your pet dog into Wal-mart. Act casual. If someone is brave enough to walk up to you and tell you to get out, simply reply "He's going to help me pick out his favorite dog food"**

"Can I borrow Akamaru? I can! Thanks!" Sakura said, walking up to Kiba and getting on Akamaru's back and leading him away without waiting for the Inuzuka's response.

Sakura rode Akamaru to the dog food casually as if she did it everyday. She jumped off the enormous dog and opened a bag of dog food. she took out a handful and held it out to the nindog. Akamaru lapped it up.

"How do you like that, Akamaru?" She asked. "It good?" The giant dog shook his head.

"Hm. How bout this stuff?" She said, opening another bag of doggy food.

"Excuse me miss...Holy crap!" The employee jumped back and landed on his bum. "I-is that your _dog_?"

Sakura tilted her head to the side.

"Yeah. Why?"

"It's just..he's...holy crap...never mind. Go about your business." The employee got up and ran away just as Kiba got to the aisle, panting.

**39. TP as much of the store as possible**

"MWAHAHAHA!" Sakura cackled, throwing toilet paper across the doors to the frozen foods. The employee-slash-Orochimaru stopped at the beginning of the aisle to watch.

_Screw trying to obtain Sasuke's Sharingan. I am going to catch his exotic teammate and keep her for myself! _He thought to himself, walking back to the manager's office to go over a different plan with Kabuto.

**40. Whenever you hear voices over the intercom, fall to the ground sobbing screaming THE VOICES! and then get back up and act normal.**

"_Haruno Sakura to the manager's office. I repeat, Haruno Sakura to the manager's office._" Sakura looked around worriedly and dropped to the ground.

"THE VOICES! THEY'RE AFTER ME!" She screeched, rolling around for a good minute more, screaming like a maniac. Then she stopped, got up, and went to go get something to drink. She was parched.

**41. Dress up in a trench coat & wear sunglasses. Walk up to someone browsing and say "The rooster is in the nest" Wait for a reply. After they finish talking, hand them a cap gun and whisper "use this wisely."**

Sakura slipped the black sunglasses over her eyes and wrapped the trench coat more firmly around her. She walked over to Shino, who was standing right where she saw him last. She stood besides him and waiting a second before talking.

"The rooster is in the nest." She muttered. Shino turned towards her.

"Sakura," He said. "Are you mocking me?". Sakura reached into the pocket of her coat and took out something. She reached for Shino's hand and placed the object into it.

"Use this wisely." She said before walking away. Shino looked down at his hand and his eyebrows rose above his glasses when he found a cap gun.

**42. Go to the music aisle and start singing horrible karaoke**

"What the hell is that horrible screeching sound?" Kankuro asked his sister, clapping his hands over his ears in agony. Temari stopped walking as soon as she saw what was going on in the music area.

"It appears Sakura is attempting karaoke." Temari said, deadpanning.

"Are you sure?" Kankuro grimaced. "I've heard Sakura sing. And that isn't it."

**43. Walk along look at someone giggle at them & say to no one… I know I know… hehehe keep doing it until they give you a weird look & walk off**

Sakura stopped across the aisle from Itachi and started to giggle. Itachi turned around to look at the girl.  
>" I know, I know..." Sakura told herself. "Hehe." She started to giggle again. Itachi looked at her bizarrely and Sakura turned around and walked away quickly, a blush spreading across her cheeks.<p>

_Ita-kun doesn't know this, _She thought. _But he does have a nice rear._

**44. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day**

_._

Shikamaru knew it was a bad idea to fall asleep in the alarm clocks aisle. But he found it too troublesome to move elsewhere.

**45. Go in to the camping department and enter a tent then tell random customers that they can come in if they bring a pillow from the bedding department**

"You can only come in if you have a pillow."

Iruka turned around abruptly at the sound of a mysterious voice. Then he saw the opening in the tent with an emerald eye peeking out at him.

"W-what?" He said.

"I said that you can only come in if you have a pillow." Iruka turned to his cart and looked at the four pillows he had in his cart.

"I have four pillows." He replied, taking them out of the cart. "Can I come in?"

The tent was unzipped at record speed and Iruka was quickly pulled inside.

**46. Broadcast K-mart commercials over the intercom**

_"It's not smart. It's Kmart smart. Insert wink here." _The voice over the intercom said.

"I thought I was at Walmart!" Naruto screamed.

**47. Go up to the bagel section with cream cheese all over your face. Then start chanting, "We love bagels! We love bagels!"**

"Do you like bagels? Yeah I like bagels! Do you like cream cheese? Yeah I like cream cheese!"

"Sakura?"

"...Yeah?"

"Why do you have cream cheese on your face."

"_Because_, Konan-neesan, it's a good face mask. Better than that green stuff you always use."

**48. Over the intercom say there is a big sale on all items in electronics department and first 10 people to the check outs gets one item free… & see what happens**

"_Big sale on _all _items in the electronics department. I repeat. Big sale on _all _items in the electronic department. First ten people to check out gets one item for free!" _Everybody in the store made eye contact with each other before racing off towards the electronics.

_Yes! _Sasuke thought excitedly. _Now I can finally buy the first season of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic! And at a dirt cheap price, too!_

**49. Randomly start putting different size undergarments in peoples carts**

"Did you find everything you need?" The employee asked him.

"Not quite, un. I couldn't find any exploding clay!" Deidara answered, pulling out his wallet from within his cloak.

"Ma'am, what do you mean exploding clay." Deidara's eye twitched.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT A WOMAN, UN!" He screeched.

"Oh, I...I'm sorry, sir. It's just..._these _were in your purchase...and, um, I'm so sorry sir." The woman held up a skimpy pink bra and Deidara felt the need to blow something up.

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><p>Review and you get a cookie!<p> 


	3. 50 through 62

**A/N: Hi there! Here's chapter three! Since all of you are totally begging for the next chapter...I have so much other stuff to write (I'm participating in NejiTen month on Deviantart, I'm also participating on ChouIno month. I have a contest submission to write by the thirty first) that I might not get Chapter Four written for a while. But yeah. Enjoy the humor. This one might not be as funny as the other two though. Well. In my opinion, that is. Though my opinion doesn't really count, does it?**

**Word Count: 1,406**

**Disclaimer: I'm absolutely positive that I DON'T own Naruto. It all belongs to the amazing Masashi Kishimoto. But he killed off Asuma and Jiraiya. I dunno if he really is that awesome anymore.**

**I don't own the Walmart list either. The credit goes to the awesome person who created it. Because like seriously. It's frickin hilarious.**

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><p><strong>50. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners<strong>

"What the -!" Hidan exclaimed upon seeing the heap of little multicolored trees, lemons, strawberries, and other shapes.

"Want one, Old Man?" Sakura said, hanging down in front of him, holding a cherry shaped air freshner.

**51. Run through the store and jump on random peoples carts singing I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS NERVES!**

"BWHAHAHAHAHA!" Sakura cackled evilly, skipping around Kurenai's cart. "THIS IS THE SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES! THIS IS THE SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES!"

Slowly, ever so slowly, Kurenai's killing intent was perking up. Finally she reached her limit, flashing through hand signs and putting the pink haired _devil girl _in a genjutsu. As Sakura fell onto the ground in a ball, Kurenai smiled approvingly. She grabbed the box of saltine crackers Sakura had snatched from her cart and cradled it as she pushed her cart out of the aisle.

**52. Go up to random people and poke them. If they ask you what you're doing or tell you to stop, tell them that you're trying to find out what they ate for dinner last night**

_Poke. Poke poke. POKE POKE._

Neji was struggling to keep calm, trying desperately to remember what anger management classes taught him. Oh yes! Breathe in and out. Count to ten.

Deep breath. Ten seconds later.

"Sakura..." He said slowly as said girl poked in in the stomach. "What, exactly, are you doing?" Sakura looked up at him with innocent eyes.

"I'm trying to find out what you ate for dinner last night."

**53. Do your American Idol audition in front of the security cameras**

Orochimaru squinted at the security camera. Was that...

He noted the short pink hair and the bright emerald eyes.

Indeed it was!

Meanwhile, Sakura tapped her foot to a nonexistent beat before holding up the baby toy microphone up to her mouth.

"_Paranoia, is in bloom. The PR, transmissions will resume. They'll try to, push drugs that keep us all dumbed down. And hope that we will never see the truth around._" She sang into the toy thingie.

_Beautiful and a brilliant singer! I shall have her sing me Justin Bieber! _Orochimaru thought happily.

**54. Get a marker & go over all the barcodes with a line then go purchase your items… the person who is serving you will have to enter all the barcodes in by hand**

Kabuto stood behind the cash register. He was slightly disgruntled but this was what Lord Orochimaru had wanted. He put on a disguise and acted as a cashier, looking out for the pink haired girl that Orochimaru wanted.

To his utter befuddlement, Sakura came prancing into the lane he was working in and dumped all of her purchases on the belt. Kabuto immediately put on a smile.

"Hello, have you found everything you needed?" He said politely, taking the first item, a t-shirt with a unicorn on the front, and moving to scan it. He found the tag and moved to scan it when he deadpanned.

There was a black line through the barcode, keeping him from simply scanning the item. He sighed and squinted at the numbers on the tag and typed them in before taking out the hanger and stuffing the shirt in a bag. He reached for the next item, went to scan it, and sighed. He typed in the number again.

By the time Kabuto got to the last item, a can of green beans, Sakura had given him her whole life story while he typed every single number into the computer. His fingers were aching. He wanted to cry out in anguish.

"I seriously don't understand why Tsunade-shishou wanted me to live with them, _honestly_. Hidan's an ass, Deidara's borderline _insane_, Sasori is always arguing with someone, Tobi is like a kindergarten class on a sugar high, Kisame is alcoholic, Zetsu keeps trying to frickin _eat me_, Kakuzu keeps trying to sell me as a prostitute, and Itachi is a stuck up bastard! He's worse than his brother, damn it! Wait, no. Compared to Sasuke, Itachi is as sane as they come. Ah well. They only good people there are Pein-niisan and Konan-neechan! What is wrong with my life, ya know?"

**55. Go up to some of the customers while your carrying a paper bag and say "trick or treat!" and if they don't give you anything, do the sad puppy dog face**

"TWICK OR TWEET!" Kakashi turned around and saw a little pink haired girl. She looked like a tiny Sakura. But she was just soooooo adorable. Kakashi _had_to give her candy! He looked around and walked up to a cart. He pulled out a package of Twizzlers.

"Here you go!" He eye smiled at the little girl and dumped the candy in the bag. The girl brightened.

"Tank you, 'Kashi-san!" She exclaimed, hugging the man around the middle and skipping away.

Meanwhile Chouji turned around and noticed the missing package from his cart. "NOOOO! THE CANDY DEVIL HAS TAKEN MY PRECIOUS FOOD AWAY FROM ME!" He collapsed onto his knees and started to cry.

Meanwhile (again), Sakura released her henge and looked down into the full bag. Oh yeah. People had a little girl weakness.

**56. Hide under a big pile of clothes and throw random objects at people when they walk by**

Deidara whistled as he walked through the aisles of the store. He was kinda content (even after people questioning his sexuality several times in the last six hours, but still. He was a carefree guy. He has a _right _to be happy!). Until he heard a loud "WICHA!" and a bra was flung into his face.

"I AM NOT A WOMEN, UN!" Deidara screeched for the nth time that day and ran away with tears streaking his face.

**57. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."**

"Sit." The object did nothing. Just sat there on the floor. The girl in front of it squealed and snatched it up.

"GOOD GIRL, BESSIE! YOU LEARNED HOW TO SIT!" She screamed happily, twirling it around in her arms.

Passerbys walked away quickly in fear of catching The Crazy.

**58. Walk up to a pizza place and ask for a Mcchicken**

"Hello! May I take your order?"

"Hm. Yes. May I please have a McChicken?"

**59. Go to the bathroom with a cantaloupe (hidden) Make grunting noises and drop the cantaloupe in the toilet. Then say "Phew, That's better"**

"Grrrr. Urghhhh. Blerghhhh." _KERPLUNK._

Shizune looked horrified at the next door stall.

"Phew. That's better!"

**60. Put blue paint on your hand and when you see someone put your hand on their shirt and point at them and say, "A clue a clue!"**

Naruto felt a pressure on his back and turned around to look at his ex-teammate. She pointed to him with a hand covered in blue paint (which he found totally suspicious-like) and exclaimed "A CLUE! A CLUE!"

Naruto's eyes widened and his head snapped in every direction. "O-M-G where!"

**61. Go to a clerk and tell them u lost your son and ask if they can call his name over the speaker! When they ask u his name make up a ridiculous name**

"OH MY GOSH. I'VE LOST MY SON. YOU NEED TO HELP ME." Sakura took the cashier by the collar and shook him frantically. "YOU NEED TO CALL HIS NAME OVER THE SPEAKERS. PLEASE. HIS NAME IS DIDDLE POOKYMITTENS.

"Please let go of my shirt." The cashier squeaked out. This bitch was crazy!

Sakura promptly released the guy and he took the mic into his shaking hands and turned it on.

"Diddle Pookymittens, your mother is at cash register 7. I repeat, Diddle Pookymittens, your mother is at cash register 7."

Sakura snickered before her quiet giggles turned into full force laughter.

**62. Leave cryptic messages on the laptops**

Deidara came to a stop in front of the computers. Microsoft Office Word was open and someone appeared to have typed something in. So the blonde bomber went over and read the first thing he saw.

"_The bird is in the nest._" He read. Then he blinked. "What does that mean, un?"

It wasn't until he heard a loud "SHANNARO!" echoed around him and he was tackled to the ground.

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><p>Review for cookies! And cake! OR ANYTHING YOU LIKE.<p> 


	4. 63 through 76

**A/N: It took me a while but here it is! Chapter four! Enjoy, my friends.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, there would be more romance than anything else...**

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><p><strong>63. While Humming the theme to Mission Impossible While wearing all black, knock over all of the cans<strong>

"_Bum, ba dum, ba dum dum dum dum da dummmm da dum._" Sakura hummed, ninja rolling over to the pyramid of paint cans. With a smirk, she gathered chakra into her fist and punched the center, paints cans flying in all directions. In mid air, one can opened and dumped purple paint onto Gai, who happened to be walking by.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO! MY YOUTHFUL HAIR!" He screamed, falling to his knees and pretending to die a dramatic death.

**64. Take all the CD's put them in the wrong place and when an employee puts them all back yell at her and mess them up again**

After "looking" at all the CDs in one aisle, Sakura moved onto to examine the movies. That was when an employee walked by.

The "employee" was Kabuto. Again. When Kabuto caught sight of the messed up CDs, he started to switch them all back. When a pink haired person tackled him to the floor.

"DO. NOT. CHANGE THEM!" She screeched in his ear. "NOBODY SHALL KNOW THAT JUSTIN BIEBER EXISTS."

**65. Go to the front of the store in a baby diaper and ask a macho guy to change you**

When Sakura walked up to Sasori in nothing but a diaper and a bra, asking him to change her, the puppeteer fainted dead away.

**66. Take a friend with you and a younger child and start arguing over who gets custody then have the child run away and out of the store and yell CILLY COME BACK!**

"Okay, so all you have to do is run away sometime when Naruto and I are yelling at eachother. Got that, Minions?" Sakura said, looking sternly at the three members of the Konohamaru Corps.

"Y-yes, Sakura-san..." Moegi stuttered, clutching Naruto's leg along with Udon and Konohamaru.

"S-scary..." Udon muttered. Konohamaru's whole face was bleach white.

"Naruto, you are not fit to father our children! I should be the one to take care of them!" Sakura screamed at her ex-teammate. Naruto wrapped an arm around the three Genin and scooted them behind him.

"Sakura-chan, are you nuts! You scare the crap out of them! I should be the one to take care of them!" Naruto yelled back.

Slowly, Udon, Moegi, and Konohamaru started to back away before bolting the hell away from the two as Sakura started to beat Naruto up.

**67. Climb up a ladder & try doing a King Kong thing**

Sakura balanced herself on the top of the ladder. Using chakra to keep herself steady, she thumped her fists.

"I AM A GORILLA NAMED KING KONG. BELIEVE IT!" She screamed.

Somewhere in the store, a voice yelled back. "THAT'S MY LINE!"

**68. Run through the make-up department and yell, "There's a dead body in aisle 3!"**

Sakura hunched over in front of the employee and took deep breaths. She looked up suddenly with the second widest eyes the world had ever seen (the first being Rock Lee).

"Dead body in aisle three." She told him in the freakiest voice possible. The employee looked at her with a traumatized face.

"The Hokage promised me she wouldn't try to kill anybody in here again!" He exclaimed, running and crying from the aisle.

**69. Grab a can of whipped cream & find a bald guy Spray it on his head**

Instead, she sprayed a whipped cream crown on Neji's head. Apparently the rumors about him loving his hair were true.

**70. Dress up in a fairy costume, and climb up a ladder and when people go by say "your wish is granted"**

"Your wish is granted." A sweet voice said. Lee paused beside the ladder and turned around with the biggest, starriest eyes ever. He looked up at the Fairy Lady and started to cry anime tears of joy.

"You mean I'll have normal eyebrows now?" He asked her.

Sakura nodded awkwardly. "Yeah...sure."

**71. Dress up as a giant smiley face and whip price signs! Then yell "ROLLBACK!"**

_Thwack! _Sakura snapped the whip expertly. She had been practicing all of five minutes for this!

"ROLLLLLLLBACCCCCCKKKKKK!" She yelled, cracking the whip at the Clearance!sign.

"HOLY SHIT! WATCH WHERE YOU AIM THAT!" Sasuke screamed, throwing his arms in the air and running away comically.

**72. Walk up to someone act like you can read their mind & say… sir or madam… don't think that.**

Sakura stopped in front of Kakashi, who was reading a very familiar little orange book. She pressed two fingers to the side of her head, before shaking her head and looking at her old sensei with a very disappointed face.

"Kakashi-sensei..." She said in a normal voice before bonking him on the head and grabbing the orange book from his hands. "Stop thinking such perverted thoughts!"

And with that, she stalked away, Kakashi weeping over the loss of his beloved book.

**73. Walk towards a group of people and hit your head and say in a loud voice, "Shut up in there."**

Sakura stopped in the middle of the chips aisle, a look of pure rage on her face. She punched herself in the face, much to everyone's surprise.

"WOULD YOU JUST FREAKING SHUT UP YOU STUPID INNER?" She screeched.

**74. Put make up all over your face so it looks like a 2 year old did it and then say, "She's horrible at giving make-overs!" and point to a random woman.**

Sakura ran through the store crying hysterically. Finally, she stopped. Her face was covered in lipstick and there was mascara all over her cheek. She pointed to Deidara and screamed, "SHE'S HORRIBLE AT GIVING MAKEOVERS!"

Deidara turned around and looked at her horrified. Then he started to cry and run away. "I'M NOT A WOMAN, UN!"

**75. Go up to random people and ask them if they will be your friends then link arms and start to sing the friends theme song**

"Hey, do you want to be my friend!" Sakura said in a hyper voice. Ino looked at her skeptically.

"Forehead, we already are friends..." She trailed off when Sakura started to cry happy tears. Suddenly, her arm was linked with Sakura's and she was dragged around the store.

"_I'll be there for youuuuuu!_"

**76. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store**

"Weeeeee!" _Beep beep! _Sakura turned the wheel all the way to the left and started riding around in a circle. Then she jerked the wheel to the right and accidentally ran over a horrified Naruto. She immediately pressed the break and turned around in her seat to see the white Naruto mangled on the floor, bags of ramen crushed.

"You killed my ramen!" He rasped.

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><p>Please review for cookies! Help me reach my goal of 50 reviews!<p> 


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